Retrace Your Path Notice your behavior. If you find yourself moving away from dialogue, ask yourself what you’re really doing. • Am I in some form of silence or violence? Get in touch with your feelings. Learn to accurately identify the emotions behind your story. • What emotions are encouraging me to act this way? Analyze your stories. Question your conclusions and look for other possible explanations behind your story. • What story is creating these emotions? Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story. • What evidence do I have to support this story? Watch for clever stories. Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories sit at the top of the list. Tell the Rest of the Story Ask: • Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem? • Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? • What do I really want? • What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?

— Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and 1 other